Can You Believe It!!

 I can hardly believe it is 2026!  I'm still living at the same place despite them trying to evict me a couple of times.

My recovery process is going very well.  I have a new therapist,  a lady, and it is going very well.  

I think the thing that helped me the most with my last therapist, was, after some talk therapy,  we did Emdr,  and that worked miracles.  He was very well trained in it and what an amazing difference it has made on my life.

I have severely avoided dating as I am loving the single life.  Wish my parents could see and accept this.  I will always gave a cat.  My black cat Sweetie 🐈‍⬛️ passed at age 15 on December 25, 2024.  I have a beautiful calico cat 🐈 I absolutely adore.   

My eyes are fixed on my serving God still.   It's funny, odd, how so much time can go by and then WHAM, the abuse comes up like a fresh new memory out if nowhere and you feel like you are back at the beginning again. 

My brother thinks it is shameful for me to share things like this in public.  But I know my story will give others the courage to step forward just as past others gave me the courage.

My parents are quite elderly now in their 80s. I find myself helping them a lot.  I'm torn on this at moments but I love them dearly and would never leave them stranded. 

My birthday is this month, and I'm thankful to have made it to 57 when I never thought I would make it to 25.  There but for the grace of Gid go I.

Blessings all.

Sheri

It has been two weeks from Hell.  I've lost 2 friends by way of death/passing.  One on one day to cancer, and one the next from a stroke...wham wham.  and then I've lost 4 friendships in that same time for reasons unbeknownst to me.  I guess people really don't like it when you tell them that things have to be equal from now on.  It's one thing to force a person to wear the shoe that is tossed by a friend to them, but when it comes to me tossing that shoe back, it's like they suddenly become the victim.  Look out!  Suddenly they are mad, outraged, and so on.  All of a sudden when it is their turn to buy treats and provide supplies they buck and kick and scream.

I was always taught that you find out who your true friends are when you set boundaries, and boy is that true.  I set boundaries with ONE friend and lost THREE friends in total.  Two others because they got involved in the gossip of the one against my wishes.  Never get caught up in gossip of two people arguing.  You will end up having to choose a side or play both.

Be brave and set those boundaries.  If you 'lose' so-called friends, you have to wonder if they were your real friends to begin with.  True friends will accept your boundaries and respect them, not tell you to watch how cold and calculated they can be.

Blessings.

Three very long years

 It is nearing the end of January 2022. The George Jetson cartoon wasn't that far off for predicting the future.

I am so tired!  For three very long years, one of my neighbours has been harassing me. The guy has threatened to kill me, calls me the one name every woman hates, kept me awake several nights in a row.  It's been brutal.

He is hope

Sleepless

I don't know about your healing process but mine has a lot of wee early morning awakening where it is difficult to get back to sleep. My dreams and especially my nightmares are quite vivid. And the old thing of telling myself they are not real or that they are in the past is of little assistance to me.

My anxiety has been so extreme the last few days that I've felt nauseated. Even taking a gravol to help settle my stomach and taking two Lorazepam to calm the nerves.  I've been calling crisis lines daily for support and using crisis text lines as well.

I'm doing what I can to support and soothe myself. My counsellor often says "be kind to Sheri" as I leave his office. I guess I am learning to do that.

EMDR is hard work but it is paying off. Sexual assault survival is hard work in general.

It takes a fighting spirit to overcome it. But you cannot do it alone and you cannot do it with people blaming you, criticizing you or saying you deserved it.  I used to look to my family of origin for support but they are the ones who say these things. I had to tell them I would not discuss the abuse or healing process with them because they often would end up criticizing or judging me. Now my healing journey is between my for and me and a few close friends.

I hope you are able to get back to sleep. I'm going to try. Thanks for your support and for listening.

A Lost Year, Covid, And Therapy

I cannot believe it is now July of 2020.  Some days drag on while others go by so fast I wonder if they even existed.
People are calling it a list year.  I'm calling it a year of healing for me. 
In therapy with my counsellor I have started EMDR and I find it works well. If you want to know what it is I suggest looking it up.  I'm not very good at explaining it.
It helps me process various traumas without feeling panicked.  And my counsellor is terrific at what he does using soothing voices and always going at my speed
Still, I have lots of nightmares about being raped.  They wake me up with a start and I wonder where I am and where I have been. 
I get up out of bed and grab a pop, pet the kitty, sometimes call a crisis line, play on my tablet and eventually fall asleep on the couch till morning.
I've had a lot of nightmares lately. I hope the next will work for them too.  Therapy is hard work but it is worth it.
Here's hoping Covid19 will soon have a cure and nightmares will soon have an end. His bless all survivors of Vivid and all survivors of abuse.

The BLAME Stops Here

Genesis 3:12-13
The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" And the woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
From the beginning of time women have been blamed for many of the sinful choices of men.  I am not a feminist, nor am I against men, but when somebody starts to victim blame against rape survivors, I get a littled tiffed being that I am one.
Adam blamed Eve for giving him the apple to eat.  But did Eve force Adam to eat the apple?  Adam FREELY took the apple.  Adam FREELY ate of the apple.  Nobody forced it down his throat or forced him to eat it or threatened him that if he didn't eat it something awful would happen.    Adam could have taken the higher road and not eaten the apple and been the leader of the household.  But he didn't.  He CHOSE to eat that fruit that day.  Eve  only offered it to him.
Nowadays it is a bit more serious.  A man rapes a woman.  She was wearing a mini skirt, had drank a couple drinks, even kissed the guy a few times.  Once they started making out, she said no, she changed her mind.  He didn't listen.  He figures she's just teasing.  Again she'd said no and still he keeps going forward with his moves.  He rapes her.  Even if she had said 'please stop' or 'please don't' that would have been enough.
Did he ASK her if what he was doing is okay?  Did he ask her consent to have sex?  It is HER body after all, not his to play with.  Just because he bought her dinner and she kissed him a few times doesn't mean she owes him ANYTHING.
If you don't ASK for permission, it is RAPE, even if she doesn't say anything and remains silent!  Silence does NOT imply consent!!
If she says STOP and you continue, it is RAPE!
If you pursue her after she says NO, it is RAPE!
Unless she has said yes it is okay to tough her, then it is HANDS OFF and her body is OFF LIMITS!! 
The victim, regardless of age, attire, location or time of day is NEVER EVER TO BLAME and should NEVER BE HELD RESPONSIBLE in ANY WAY!

Christians Need to Stop Victim Blaming

For ANY Christian who still blames victims of rape or holds victims of sexual assault responsible in ANY way, shape or form, here is what the Bible has to say about that:

25 But if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. 26 Do nothing to the woman; she has committed no sin deserving death. Deuteronomy 22:25-26

The Bible does not condemn the woman/victim for anything they did. Not foro what they wore, not for what they were doing, not for being in physically close contact with the perpetrator...nothing!

Don't believe me, read this short article:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/cruelty-victim-blaming-hope-redemption/

If you STILL believe that the victim holds some responsibility in being raped then there is something wrong with your heart and your soul, and you are a cruel person. I pray you are never attacked and then blamed for it. But if you are, maybe then you'll understand what it is like to be victim-blamed for something you had no control over.