Brother's Aren't So Different

I met JW, who happened to be SW's brother while dating SW. He seemed more stable than SW, more mature. I started to attend the same church as JW. From the moment I walked in I felt uncomfortable. I don't know what made me feel that way – or at least at first I didn't know why I felt that way.

The church turned out to be a very legalistic Baptist church where ladies had long hair, wore skirts, served the men, the men were dominant figures and so on. Fit JW to a T.

Still, we dated. And in that time my niece was born. My nephew was now 4 years old (my how time does fly) and my niece had just been born! I was thrilled to have one of each to cherish. And in this time things were rough in our family. Words were flying both ways. I was not welcoming my parents in my home and they were not welcoming me in their home. My brother also was not welcoming me. All this while I was in the depths of counseling for sexual abuse.

My family kept wanting me to move back home to the city I grew up in and I was content to stay w here I had the support of my Psychiatrist. He had said some things to my parents that they found rather upsetting, telling them that they were toxic to me and they took it pretty hard, which is understandable. After that they really tried to get me to move home. They also didn't like my friends – I volunteered at a mission that served hot meals and there were some not-so-nice people especially in appearance. I only ever had a run-in with one of them, and he was sent to jail for it.

So I had the pressure of dealing with sexual abuse and the pressure of family as well. I felt my psychiatrist was the only support I had so I sure wasn't going to move and lose the one support I had. And I couldn't make anybody understand that.

In the meantime, one night JW decided to stay a little to late and missed the bus. I told him he could not stay at my place for the night. I kept reminding him that the last bus was coming and he'd better get his feet out the door to it because he was not spending the night at my place. Countless times I reminded him of this. Finally the last bus had gone and he was still at my place. He thought he could still stay at my place, to which I said no way. We shared words and in the process he stormed out the door and proceeded to walk away from me. I walked after him for 2 city blocks before my asthma kicked in. He turned around and threatened to kill me. So I ran off back home. Where he went I don't know.

When I got back home I had to call the ambulance because my asthma was in a flare up. It was suggested I go to a Woman's shelter because of his threat. I had called ahead and had a place to stay.

My stay at the shelter was an experience. One I am slowly forgetting but that I don't want to forget completely. I met some interesting ladies. I shared a room with another lady, and once a week we were allowed to go through donations of clothing. We all had chores to do, though some did none and others did more. I was there for 2 weeks and I started to gain weight while I was there.

And while I was at the Shelter, one of the pastors from the church came to visit another one of the ladies, and I just about panicked. I didn't want JW knowing where I was. The pastor said JW would never hurt me, to which I replied that he just liked threatening people, and staying until the buses had gone and I told him the whole story. The pastor said he would talk to JW.

After 2 weeks I was ready to go home and see my cat and sleep in my own bed again. In the middle of the night I got up and packed my things and went home. Needless to say, JW and I were over.

But that wasn't the end of him. He'd call me collect from wherever he was and ask for relationship advice and for a while I accepted the calls. But one day I had enough and wouldn't accept the charges. I don't think he needed the advice. I believe he wanted to talk to me. I could be wrong. Either way, but not accepting the charges, it put a quick and final end to our relationship once and for all. He was and is the guy that couldn't and can't take no for an answer.  He's not that much different from his brother after all.

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TWICE AROUND WAS ENOUGH

While I was attending G. A. Wheable Centre for Adult Education in London, Ontario, I met a couple Christian guys.  At first we hit it off and were all good friends.  But then they both decided they wanted to date me.  I guess the one guy won out because the other guy backed off.  S.W.  asked me out several times and several times I said no.  I didn't feel it was right, nor did I feel ready to date anybody.  He kept pushing and eventually I got angry about it.  I gave him a note that said for him to leave me alone and not to speak to me again.  While I was going down a set of stairs at school one day he was heading up, and he saw me and grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go.  When I got free, I went to the office and talked with the counselor that I dealt with, in tears, about what had been going on with S.W.   The school got involved and told him to leave me alone and the police got involved in order to make him aware that grabbing somebody was not a wise move.  I didn't have an issue with him or his friend for a while after this. 

Two years later, SW and friend heard I was in the hospital and came to see me.  We all became friends again - my first mistake.  I was vulnerable to begin with because I was in the psyche ward.  They were still competing for me.  

Eventually I did start dating S.W. for a very short time, and we wound up engaged.  He wanted to make out and we wound up in the bedroom.  When I saw it was heading to  penetration I said no, stop.  I was a Christian and strongly believed in no sex until marriage.  He was upset and frustrated that I made him stop so he placed his penis between my breasts and proceeded to perform until he ejaculated all over me.  I gagged until I was just about sick to my stomach.  He was happy as a lark and I felt sick as a puppy.  I didn't like what he was doing and I had asked him to stop twice, but he just kept going.  

He also forced me to do another sex act on him which was most shameful and I don't know how anybody could do it willingly.  I'm not even going to mention the name of it here because I don't want to give any ungodly ideas to anybody.

I finally hurried him on out the door so he could go home and I hopped in the shower and stood there for about a half hour trying to get clean.  I felt filthy and kept gagging.  I scrubbed and scrubbed trying to rub him off.  

I did report the assault to the police, but once again the justice system fails the survivor.


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