I don't know about your healing process but mine has a lot of wee early morning awakening where it is difficult to get back to sleep. My dreams and especially my nightmares are quite vivid. And the old thing of telling myself they are not real or that they are in the past is of little assistance to me.
My anxiety has been so extreme the last few days that I've felt nauseated. Even taking a gravol to help settle my stomach and taking two Lorazepam to calm the nerves. I've been calling crisis lines daily for support and using crisis text lines as well.
I'm doing what I can to support and soothe myself. My counsellor often says "be kind to Sheri" as I leave his office. I guess I am learning to do that.
EMDR is hard work but it is paying off. Sexual assault survival is hard work in general.
It takes a fighting spirit to overcome it. But you cannot do it alone and you cannot do it with people blaming you, criticizing you or saying you deserved it. I used to look to my family of origin for support but they are the ones who say these things. I had to tell them I would not discuss the abuse or healing process with them because they often would end up criticizing or judging me. Now my healing journey is between my for and me and a few close friends.
I hope you are able to get back to sleep. I'm going to try. Thanks for your support and for listening.
Monday, 3 August 2020
Saturday, 18 July 2020
A Lost Year, Covid, And Therapy
I cannot believe it is now July of 2020. Some days drag on while others go by so fast I wonder if they even existed.
People are calling it a list year. I'm calling it a year of healing for me.
In therapy with my counsellor I have started EMDR and I find it works well. If you want to know what it is I suggest looking it up. I'm not very good at explaining it.
It helps me process various traumas without feeling panicked. And my counsellor is terrific at what he does using soothing voices and always going at my speed
Still, I have lots of nightmares about being raped. They wake me up with a start and I wonder where I am and where I have been.
I get up out of bed and grab a pop, pet the kitty, sometimes call a crisis line, play on my tablet and eventually fall asleep on the couch till morning.
I've had a lot of nightmares lately. I hope the next will work for them too. Therapy is hard work but it is worth it.
Here's hoping Covid19 will soon have a cure and nightmares will soon have an end. His bless all survivors of Vivid and all survivors of abuse.
People are calling it a list year. I'm calling it a year of healing for me.
In therapy with my counsellor I have started EMDR and I find it works well. If you want to know what it is I suggest looking it up. I'm not very good at explaining it.
It helps me process various traumas without feeling panicked. And my counsellor is terrific at what he does using soothing voices and always going at my speed
Still, I have lots of nightmares about being raped. They wake me up with a start and I wonder where I am and where I have been.
I get up out of bed and grab a pop, pet the kitty, sometimes call a crisis line, play on my tablet and eventually fall asleep on the couch till morning.
I've had a lot of nightmares lately. I hope the next will work for them too. Therapy is hard work but it is worth it.
Here's hoping Covid19 will soon have a cure and nightmares will soon have an end. His bless all survivors of Vivid and all survivors of abuse.
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