PS The same year I was hospitalized and met Dr. W. I had been sexually assaulted by a classmate, P.S. Exams were over and we were walking home – sort of together, although not really. I was walking on the sidewalk and he was walking on the road and we chatted casually about the exam we had just finished. When we got to my house, he asked me to continue walking with him.
I went inside and pleaded with mom to let me go on with him.(I'd had a crush on him all year) She said no over and over and over. And I wish she'd have stuck with that, but she did give in and let me go. So we walked a little further until we got to a wooded area. (Why does it always have to be a wooded area?) He took me to a hidden area and he reached up my shirt, undid my bra and fondled my breasts. I fought to get away, but he worked at getting his hands down my pants and I struggled to push him away. I kept saying I had to get home because I had chores to do, my family was waiting for me, etc. Eventually I got away from him, but I was all disheveled. I felt like everybody could see the mess I was. Even hidden in the woods I felt like people could see what had happened.
I put my bra back together, sort of anyway, and ran back home. I can't remember what I told my parents, if anything. I wouldn't get any sympathy anyways because I pleaded to go. They likely thought I wanted to go and have sex with him knowing how my family thought of me anyway. But it scarred me. If I'd have know P.S was like that, I'd have never asked to go with him. I thought he was a gentleman, not like that, demanding his own way. It certainly opened my eyes to who he really was, and I didn't like it.
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ST Later the same year at my then best friend's 16th birthday party, I would be slightly assaulted again. This was another place my parents didn't want me. Yet it was right across the street from where we lived. I had been there dozens of times before with the exact same kids. I didn't see what the harm was going to be. The only thing that went wrong was that ST crossed boundaries that day.
We were all sitting around laughing and talking about typical things kids talk about – cars, school, Summer, parents, etc. ST took my hand and led me back to my friends' room. I was really nervous and should have ran but I was frozen with fear. He shut the door and pinned me to the back of it. He kissed me and rubbed h is hands up and down my body and I couldn't stop him. I was so afraid. I couldn't scream, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything – he'd told me to remain quiet.
It doesn't sound like much but when you don't understand what is happening to you and you are told to remain silent both during and afterwards, and you know what a bully this person is, you tend to do what you are told. I was solid with fear.
Afterwards the girls were all giddy with curiosity. They wanted to know what happened and what all he did with me. Of course, I had been sworn to silence with a severe look, so after some coaxing I simply said that he had kissed me and left it at that. In the meantime, my mom had called saying that we had friends show up and I was expected at home. It was a bit of a relief to get that call. So I went home, as shaken up as I was.
So twice in the same year, only 4 months apart I had been assaulted by two boys I knew and went to school with. Some boys do like to get their own way.
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HE'S JUST PLAYING AROUND When I was 16 years old and my brother was 18, we were roughhousing on the front lawn of our home, it suddenly turned into something unhealthy. He started to imitate having sex with me, or having outercourse. Mom eventually caught him and stopped it. She said he could hurt me and prevent me from having babies by doing what he was doing. I don't understand why he was doing that in the first place. I was his sister.
He also used to do this thing with his one finger. He would scratch the centre of my palm with his one finger all the time. Finally one day I did it back to him. He just about flipped out. He said not to ever do that to anybody, especially guys. I asked why and his explanation shocked me. He said that when I did that was to ask somebody to have sex with them. So I asked him why he was doing it to me all this time. He just shrugged his shoulders and left.
To this day when I ask my mom why he was not disciplined about that incident, she just says that we were just kids and he was just fooling around. Ya, never mind what it did to me mentally and emotionally.
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FRIGHTENING PHONE CALLS
At age 17 our family moved from our little house on the cute family street called Easthaven, which was home to us, to a townhome community called Pheasant Run Community. It was a much longer walk to school and it wore on me. And while we were there I started to get these odd phone calls. I say “I” started to get these phone calls because they only happened when I was home alone. The person who made these calls knew when I was home alone, which means he was watching our home.
Dad would leave the home early in the morning for work, around 4-5am, and mom would leave around 9-11am. As soon as she was out the door, the darn phone would ring. I'd pick it up and this voice would say in a raspy voice, “I wanna fuck you.” And he'd repeat it. I'd hang up the phone and call my mom at work, and she'd either tell me to take the phone off the hook or she'd come running home because I'd be in sobs.
I honestly had no idea what he meant by the phone calls; I only knew they scared the living grace out of me. One day when mom left for work and I was home alone. mom and I pulled a trick on him.
Mom went out the door and pretended to leave for work as usual, but this time she only went around the block and back home, and I let her in the back patio door. True enough, just like all the other times, he called right on time. Only instead of me answering the phone this time, mom answered the phone. She just screamed into the phone – no talking, no questions – just screamed into his ear. And he never called back after that.
We did find out who was calling, and it was who my brother thought was doing it. His friend worked for the local telephone company and, sadly, his sister had recently been raped and murdered. We figured it had been him doing these harassing phone calls. We were right. CG was the one who had been making them, not only to me, but also to a few others that we found out.
What happened to his sister really had a bad impact on him. Still, that didn't give him the right to 'phone rape' myself and others. That's the term I had been given by workers in the field. I would never receive another call from him again, so I don't now if he lost his job at the telephone company or not. I would imagine he did.
My seizures again increased and I was finally asked to leave school because my absences were keeping classes behind. In fact, the school sent a letter home to my parents saying that I was skipping classes, even though my mom had been calling in my absences. I've never skipped a day of school in my life. But this school, Eastdale Collegiate, asked my parents to pull me out of school because I was holding classes back. They didn't offer me tutoring, or support of any kind to stay caught up, nothing. I sobbed. I loved learning, I just had failing health. I was having 5-20 seizures a day, sometimes an hour while taking a combination of medication Dr. W had prescribed for me, totally somewhere between 4000-5000mg of anti-seizure medications daily. I pretty much started to sleep my life away.
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